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yo mama jokes part 1
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Yo Mama So Uglyshe put the Boogie man outta business.
she make Michael Jackson look like Brad Pitt
when
she wobbles down the street in September, folk say, "Dang it, can't believe it's Halloween already..."
when she applied
for the ugly contest they told her 'NO Professionals'
she looked out her window and was arrested for indecent exposure!
minutes
after she was born her Mother shouted 'What a treasure!" and her Poppa said "Yes, now let's go and bury her..."
they
push her face into the dough mixture when making Monster cookies.
when they took her to the Beautician it took 10 hours....and
that was just for the quote!
yer Daddy takes her to work each day so he doesny have to kiss her goodbye...
she
put Marilyn Manson out of business.
she was a guard at Snake Mountain
they knew what time she was born cuz her
face stopped the clock...
even Harry Knowles refused to date her.
they embalmed her face on a box of super-strength
laxatives and sold it empty!
she gets 364 extra days just to dress up for Halloween.
Tony Blair moved Halloween
to her birthday.
you papa throws the ugly stick and she goes fetches it every time.
she scared the stitching
outta Frankenstein.
we had to tie a steak round her neck so the dogs would play with her.
I heard yer Father
first met her at the Zoo.
her shadow gave up.
people at the Zoo pay cash so they DON't have to see her...
hotel
managers use her picture to keep away the Rats.
instead of round the ankles, they put the Bungee Jumping cord round
her neck.
they gave her a middle name...'accident'.
she fell out of the Ugly Tree, hitting every branch on the
way down.
when she walked into the Haunted House, she came back out with a Job Application!
when she was born
the Doc smacked her face.
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Your Mama So Fatwhen she step on the Weight Scales it says...'to be continued'...
she once went on a seafood
diet...whenever she saw food she ate it!
folk exercise by jogging around her!
when she bends over, we enter
Daylight Saving Time.
she sat on a Nintendo Gamecube and it turned into a gameboy
she make Kiko the Whale look
like a Smartie
NASA plan to use her to shore up the hole in the Ozone layer
she was measured at 38-26-36 and
that was just the left arm...
small objects orbit her.
she make olympic sumo wrestlers look anerixic.
when
I tell her to haul butt, she gotta make two trips.
when she farted she launched herself into orbit.
she lost
a game at Hide&Seek only cos I spotted her...behind Mount Everest.
when I had to swerve to avoid hitting her on
the road I ran out of Petrol!
she could be the eighth continent.
she nearly put Safeway out of business
the
only thing that's attracted to her is gravity.
her Uni graduation photo was an aerial
when she auditioned for
a part in Raiders of the Lost Ark she got the part of the big Rolling Ball.
she make Jabba the Hutt look anorexic.
her
fave food is seconds.
her belt size is Equator.
she eats Desert out of a Trash Can lid
she wears an 'X'
jacket and Copters attempt to land on her
she shows up on radar.
she needs a map to find her butt.
she
fell into the Grand Canyon....and got stuck!
she wears an asteroid belt.
her Passport photo says 'Picture is
continued overleaf'
she has TB ... 2 bellys.
she's once, twice, three times a lady.
she was in the Daily
Record last week on page 5, 6, 7, 8, and 9.
the circus use her as a trampoline
stunt agencies use her as an
air mattress
when she opens the Fridge it says - 'I give up...'
she got a new gig at the Cinema...she works
as the screen
she once told me 'I could eat a horse'...believe me, she wasn't kidding!
she deep fries her toothpaste.
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Yo Moma So Poorthat your family ate Cornflakes with a fork to save milk.
they put her photo on food stamps.
when
I visited her trailer, 2 cockroaches tripped me and a Rat tried to steal me wallet.
she waves an ice lolly around and
calls it Air conditioning.
burglars break into her home and leave money.
when I told her about the last supper
she thought the food stamps had run out.
the building society repossed her cardboard box.
she watches television
on an Etch-A-Sketch.
each night she goes to KFC to lick other folk's fingers
she can't even afford to go to
the free clinic.
when I saw her kickin a can down the road I asked her what she was doing....'Moving' she replied.
I
caught her trying to use food stamps in the Gobstopper machine.
when I rang her doorbell, SHE said 'Ding-Dong'
I
asked her where the 'facilities were' and she replied - "Pick a corner...ANY corner..."
I visited her house, tore down
the cob webs and she screamed - "Who's tearing down the drapes!!!!"
I walked into her home, asked if I could use her
toilet, and she said "Sure thing, it's 4th tree on your right..."
only time she smelled Hot Food was when a rich bloke
farted...
when I saw her wobbling down the street with 1 shoe, I hollered - "Lost a shoe?", and she said - "Nope...just
found one..."
she hangs the Toilet paper out to dry.
closest thing to a car she owns is a low-riding Shopping
trolley....with a box on it...
she had to take out a second mortgage on her cardboard box.
I went into her 'living
room', stepped on a Fag butt and she shouted - "Oi, who turned off the heater!"
I once threw a stone at a garbage can,
and out she popped saying - "Who knocked???"
I went through her front door and tripped over the back fence.
she
does drive by shootings on the school bus.
when she asked me over to dinner I took a paper plate from the kitchen and
she groule - "Don't use the good china"
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